My life stories

Welcome to the Panera of Motherhood!

(This is what you do when your newborn sleeps instead of screams! I am beginning to be able to afford more and more of these items, but for a while the pickings were pretty slim. In fact, now that I’ve enjoyed my You Pick Two Combo, I feel like sneaking in the baby’s room for a peek at the little cherub…)

Welcome to the Panera of Motherhood! We cater specifically to moms of new babies. Wether you have visited us before or are here for the first time, we hope you enjoy your experience. Please take a look at our menu:


~You Pick Two

Option 1: Shower Elements

Choose one from the following: soap, shampoo, facial cleanser, shaving cream, razor……………..$One husband to hold the baby

Option 2: Assorted Other

Choose one from of the following:

tooth brush and toothpaste*, floss, hair brush…..$start saving

make up….$hahahaha

nail polish………$forget it sister

*only once per day per mother.

~Daily Survival

coffee……$almost anything

breakfast……$a bit of forethought and patience

ALL THE WATER*……..$the use of both hands

other meals………..prices may vary

a dose of sunshine…….FREE

humor, extra large portion…..FREE

* a favorite of breastfeeding moms. Some restrictions may apply.

NOTE: all moms receive the ability to multitask*, sleep in odd positions, and gain endurance. The above items are seasonal; therefore their availability will fluctuate drastically throughout the next year. If you are looking for a good night’s sleep on this menu, we will direct you to another restaurant. (Actually we won’t. We don’t know where such a restaurant is; we apologize for any inconvenience. Have another coffee.)

*results may vary.


One thought on “Welcome to the Panera of Motherhood!

  1. you’re amazing clever and I love you.
    I laughed. But I also know some days are funnier than others…hang in there little momma! ❤

    that is all.

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