(This is what you do when your newborn sleeps instead of screams! I am beginning to be able to afford more and more of these items, but for a while the pickings were pretty slim. In fact, now that I’ve enjoyed my You Pick Two Combo, I feel like sneaking in the baby’s room for a peek at the little cherub…)
Welcome to the Panera of Motherhood! We cater specifically to moms of new babies. Wether you have visited us before or are here for the first time, we hope you enjoy your experience. Please take a look at our menu:
MENU OF PERSONAL HYGIENE AND CARE:
~You Pick Two
Option 1: Shower Elements
Choose one from the following: soap, shampoo, facial cleanser, shaving cream, razor……………..$One husband to hold the baby
Option 2: Assorted Other
Choose one from of the following:
tooth brush and toothpaste*, floss, hair brush…..$start saving
nail polish………$forget it sister
*only once per day per mother.
breakfast……$a bit of forethought and patience
ALL THE WATER*……..$the use of both hands
other meals………..prices may vary
a dose of sunshine…….FREE
humor, extra large portion…..FREE
* a favorite of breastfeeding moms. Some restrictions may apply.
NOTE: all moms receive the ability to multitask*, sleep in odd positions, and gain endurance. The above items are seasonal; therefore their availability will fluctuate drastically throughout the next year. If you are looking for a good night’s sleep on this menu, we will direct you to another restaurant. (Actually we won’t. We don’t know where such a restaurant is; we apologize for any inconvenience. Have another coffee.)
*results may vary.